Sunday, June 27, 2010

ineffectual anesthesia

Do you really think
that this is not going
to hurt?
To Hurt
like Plato and Emerson
at their pompous, masturbatory



I assure you
with my hand on your cheek
that I mean you no harm
but we are already planning
the complex calculus
the artifice of art and architecture

for the sake of making life just a bit more interesting

If you had no idea, I would feel some guilt
but I know that there is harm in every barb
despite the softness of skin and lips

when you dance with the devil
your dress will always smell of brimstone

I want to see you barefoot and flying
your hair like a paintbrush fresh from water
pulling colors across the canvas
in the backstage of the universe
with a smile on your face that is as hungry
as my reflection in your eyes

I want to look up and see you
and not to remember
that people never communicate without games
and that when we say we speak without games
that we are playing another round of the games

because fucking hell! what is life without games?

I want for you to know me
but only enough that you are
of every reason you could have to hate me

I can't promise anything beyond what I believe in right now
and what do I believe RIGHT NOW?


I will tell you this:

I would rather hurt myself than hurt you
I would rather swallow the greater sorrow to spare you the lesser
I will keep your secrets and listen to your dreams
I won't tell you the really crazy shit that fills up my skull
I won't let the lasers and razors of my passion destroy you

but remember:

the biggest lie that anyone ever tells is this one:

"I'm sorry."

please don't hate me if I apologize in advance
for the mystery that is love
or the tragedy that is growing up

I didn't make this world
but by God
I am going to live here